Mark's Top 5 Jokes
Friends who know me have always said that I am serious and intense guy. I still am but I have learnt to relax and smell the roses and have a good laugh. You must have fun in life. Laugh & smile as much as you can. You will enjoy life more. Work may not be a chore anymore.
That is why when friends send me emails, I keep them becuase if I need a cheer me up moment, I read these jokes. Humor and laughter are the best medicine. As they, cry and you cry alone, laugh and the world laughs with you.
I hope you enjoy reading the jokes I have compiled from jokes sent to me by my friends.
1) INDIAN SECRET TO A HAPPY MARRIED LIFE
An Indian was asked by his friend, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"
Indian: "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."
Friend: "Can you explain?"
Indian: "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues.. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."
Still not convinced, the friend asked "Give me some examples".
Indian: "Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much to save, when to visit the home town, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"
Friend: "Then what is your role?"
Indian: "My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether to widen the African economy, whether Sanath should retire from cricket etc., etc. and do you know, my wife NEVER, objects to any of these decisions".
2) Blonde Joke To End All Blonde Jokes !!!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO. .....," answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!"
3) At The Doctor's Office
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible! " says the doctor. "Show me.
"The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde.""I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken".
4) Have you! seen the Made-in-Malaysia car 'Kancil'? You know, that very little 600 cc car ???
Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US , so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA .
After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, You know, I think this 'Ken-chill' is too small for us Americans. Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush offered, 'Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America '.
Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and return to Malaysia . The next day he called the number and a lady answered, ''TOYS R US', Can I help you'
5) Singapore Made Car!
Have you heard about the proposal between KIA of Korea and SUZUKI of Japan to set up a joint venture company in Singapore to build a hybrid car which will be named KIASU?
Don't Worry, Be Happy!
Cheers,
Mark
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Look Within & Change
"......As human beings, our greatness lies not in so much in being able to remake the World, as in being able to remake ourselves. We must become change we wish to see in the world....."
Mahatma Gandhi.
A friend send me this and I thought it was very interesting. We need to change the way we see and view things or else we will end up being bigger hypocrites than the people we criticise or complain about. Even those who try to change the world should first change themselves and their views so that it is in sync with what they try to promote or preach.
PERCEPTION
"Something To Think About..... Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule. 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again. 10 minutes:A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.1 hour. He finished playing and silence took over.
No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
The questions raised: *In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? *Do we stop to appreciate it? *Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.
How many other things are we missing?"
Tevy Poluan Masengi, Ms. Centre for Strategic and International Studies
Mahatma Gandhi.
A friend send me this and I thought it was very interesting. We need to change the way we see and view things or else we will end up being bigger hypocrites than the people we criticise or complain about. Even those who try to change the world should first change themselves and their views so that it is in sync with what they try to promote or preach.
PERCEPTION
"Something To Think About..... Washington, DC Metro Station on a cold January morning in 2007. The man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. During that time approx. 2 thousand people went through the station, most of them on their way to work.
After 3 minutes a middle aged man noticed there was a musician playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then hurried to meet his schedule. 4 minutes later: The violinist received his first dollar: a woman threw the money in the hat and, without stopping, continued to walk. 6 minutes: A young man leaned against the wall to listen to him, then looked at his watch and started to walk again. 10 minutes:A 3-year old boy stopped but his mother tugged him along hurriedly. The kid stopped to look at the violinist again, but the mother pushed hard and the child continued to walk, turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by several other children. Every parent, without exception, forced their children to move on quickly.45 minutes: The musician played continuously. Only 6 people stopped and listened for a short while. About 20 gave money but continued to walk at their normal pace. The man collected a total of $32.1 hour. He finished playing and silence took over.
No one noticed. No one applauded, nor was there any recognition. No one knew this, but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the greatest musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces ever written, with a violin worth $3.5 million dollars. Two days before Joshua Bell sold out a theater in Boston where the seats averaged $100.This is a true story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro station was organized by the Washington Post as part of a social experiment about perception, taste and people's priorities.
The questions raised: *In a common place environment at an inappropriate hour, do we perceive beauty? *Do we stop to appreciate it? *Do we recognize talent in an unexpected context?
One possible conclusion reached from this experiment could be this: If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best musicians in the world, playing some of the finest music ever written, with one of the most beautiful instruments ever made.
How many other things are we missing?"
Tevy Poluan Masengi, Ms. Centre for Strategic and International Studies
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Biggest Regret in Life!
We all have some regrets in our lives. While we should should move on with our lives by looking forward rather than back, we should address these regrets if we are to get ahead in life. Otherwise you may get held back subconsciously. I was listening to the "Morning Show" on Class 95 on Radio and they were talking about this subject-My Biggest Regret in Life! The subject matter got me thinking about my own life.
If there is one regret is that I wish I had spent more time with my mom before she passed on. She lived with all my life, even after I was married. I loved her dearly. She took care of me so well. Just when I thought I will be spending more time with my Mom and Dad when I started my own business, my mother passed on suddenly due to blood poisoning. This happened two months after I started my business and I was working fom home. But my greatest satisfaction came from the fact that my Mom had a chance to spend time looking after my son (for 2 1/2 years) and my daughter (for about 9 months) before she passed on. She doted on them. I miss my Mom.
Now, I try to pay more attention to my Dad who has become a reclusive since my mother passed away and also because of arthritis and "foot-drop" condition, he is not able to walk about easily. So, my dad requires more attention.
I am grateful for the love and care my Mom & Dad showered on my sisters and me and to my wife and children.
So my message to one and all is, tell the people you care about that you love them. Call them and talk to them. Don't put it off. Do it now. To me, emailing loved ones may not be as good as calling them as emails lack the emotional and personal touch. You don't have to call them everyday but if you have not called them for a while then you should call right now before its too late.
Another regret that was discussed in the Class95 Morning show was someone said that they regretted marrying a person they did not love. This is a growing trend which can be avoided if people. The young feel pressured to get hitched at a young age. Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is a norm or else you are abnormal or gay. And of course there are those who make a game out of it like a World War pilot who keeps scores on the number of planes he has shot-down.
You should get married only when both of you are ready for marriage. If either one party is hesitant or reluctant, getting pressured into marrying is the last thing you should do. I got married after I turned 35 and I told my the girlfirend and now my wife that I will only marry her when she turned 25 because I wanted her to be sure that I was the she wanted to marry.
I heard the other day that a 16 year Catholic boy was in love with a girl of another race and religion. Despite his parents and friends good intentions this boy refused to listen to their advice and wanted to be with this girl who was not in the least bit likable or had good values. When he told her that he left all his friends for her and he loved her, she told him coolly that she was just having fun and she wanted to make him leave all his friends. All this while she was two-timing him. And he wanted to commit suicide but he was talked out of it by his brother. But apparently he has not learned his lesson and now he is going out with a similar character as his previous girlfriend. Some people just don't learn. They feel that they need to be tortured in order to feel good about themselves.....like a "matyr" (sufferer for a cause).
Some people are really confused. Instead, of finding true love they place good sex as priority in finding a partner. Instead of looking for good values they look for men/women with good looks and/or big bank accounts and good jobs. People also place a lot of importantce on things like good looks as the key criteria. That is why people end up with the wrong people and divorced rates are getting higher. Unlike the previous generation even those who remained married are doing so because they no choice (they are stuck) or they do it for their children. But when push come to shove, most would just walk out of their marriage. If you need to look at famous people you need not look too far. Read the Straits Times or New Paper you find ample examples.
All these problems can be avoided. People need to be patient and they need to be at least 100% sure before they say "I do". How? I am no expert on relationship. But I have seen enough and read about the subject sufficiently to make some judgement call and give my two-cents worth. First, you need to know who is your ideal partner is. By this I mean, you need to have idea who you looking for ..... whether this person is kind, loving, understanding, tall, sporty and humorous, responsible. Someone with the right chemistry. Or you like someone who is handsome/beautiful and has a good job and earn and the other qualities like kindness, loving, understanding, tall, sporty and humorous, responsible are not important. You may be asking for trouble if the right qualities are missing. My take on this is that if you find someone is kind, loving, understanding humorous, patient, understanding and responsible and has the right chemistry, than other things like getting a good job and caring for the family will come along and you will be happy. And of course you will get the other perks in a good relationship.
Here are certain ingredients that are critical to a relationship:
1) Love- you must love your partner from the bottom of your heart and not just say it. You must give more than you receive and this must be reciprocated.
2) Trust- There must be trust in the relationship. Your partner must know that he or she can trust you.
3) Communication- Speak the language of LOVE. Say positive things and shower your love (without being over bearing). One person speaks and the other person listens. And communication means it is a two way street.
4) Chemistry- There must be chemistry in the relationship. When you are with this person, do feel special...are you on top of the world.
5) Humor- We all need to laugh. Who else better than your partner to cheer you up. You should be able to relax and be your goofy or funny self from time to time.
6) Patience and understanding is necessary. Relationships have its ups and downs. If your partner loses your job, do you leave them or do you stand by them and go through the challenging times together. If you say you will be some who will stand by your partner than fantastic. Your partner must count his/her blessings. Of course if you are with someone who wallows in self-pity and does not want to do anything, then you need to make a judgement call after careful consideration.
If you are "Happy" in a relationship (benchmark- 80-99% of the time) than you are in a good relationship. If not you have to focus your attention on improving the relationship. But remember, all the negative aspects can be avoided if you are able to choose the person who best matches your "personality" and your "needs" not your "wants".
Remember, relationships and marriages is like getting into the stock market. The stock market is like a roller coaster ride. It is expected. But if you do your "Homework" and stay the course then you will reap the rewards like Warren Buffet with not much downside. Likewise, for your relationship/marriage if you do your homework and your remain true to yourself, you will also be "Happy". Plus you will get dividends and you will have very little regrets in life as far as relationship/marriage is concerned.
Gong Xi Fa Cai! to all those who celebrate Chinese New Year! May 2010 be a Peaceful, Happy & Prosperous and Fun Filled year.
Cheers,
Mark
If there is one regret is that I wish I had spent more time with my mom before she passed on. She lived with all my life, even after I was married. I loved her dearly. She took care of me so well. Just when I thought I will be spending more time with my Mom and Dad when I started my own business, my mother passed on suddenly due to blood poisoning. This happened two months after I started my business and I was working fom home. But my greatest satisfaction came from the fact that my Mom had a chance to spend time looking after my son (for 2 1/2 years) and my daughter (for about 9 months) before she passed on. She doted on them. I miss my Mom.
Now, I try to pay more attention to my Dad who has become a reclusive since my mother passed away and also because of arthritis and "foot-drop" condition, he is not able to walk about easily. So, my dad requires more attention.
I am grateful for the love and care my Mom & Dad showered on my sisters and me and to my wife and children.
So my message to one and all is, tell the people you care about that you love them. Call them and talk to them. Don't put it off. Do it now. To me, emailing loved ones may not be as good as calling them as emails lack the emotional and personal touch. You don't have to call them everyday but if you have not called them for a while then you should call right now before its too late.
Another regret that was discussed in the Class95 Morning show was someone said that they regretted marrying a person they did not love. This is a growing trend which can be avoided if people. The young feel pressured to get hitched at a young age. Having a girlfriend or boyfriend is a norm or else you are abnormal or gay. And of course there are those who make a game out of it like a World War pilot who keeps scores on the number of planes he has shot-down.
You should get married only when both of you are ready for marriage. If either one party is hesitant or reluctant, getting pressured into marrying is the last thing you should do. I got married after I turned 35 and I told my the girlfirend and now my wife that I will only marry her when she turned 25 because I wanted her to be sure that I was the she wanted to marry.
I heard the other day that a 16 year Catholic boy was in love with a girl of another race and religion. Despite his parents and friends good intentions this boy refused to listen to their advice and wanted to be with this girl who was not in the least bit likable or had good values. When he told her that he left all his friends for her and he loved her, she told him coolly that she was just having fun and she wanted to make him leave all his friends. All this while she was two-timing him. And he wanted to commit suicide but he was talked out of it by his brother. But apparently he has not learned his lesson and now he is going out with a similar character as his previous girlfriend. Some people just don't learn. They feel that they need to be tortured in order to feel good about themselves.....like a "matyr" (sufferer for a cause).
Some people are really confused. Instead, of finding true love they place good sex as priority in finding a partner. Instead of looking for good values they look for men/women with good looks and/or big bank accounts and good jobs. People also place a lot of importantce on things like good looks as the key criteria. That is why people end up with the wrong people and divorced rates are getting higher. Unlike the previous generation even those who remained married are doing so because they no choice (they are stuck) or they do it for their children. But when push come to shove, most would just walk out of their marriage. If you need to look at famous people you need not look too far. Read the Straits Times or New Paper you find ample examples.
All these problems can be avoided. People need to be patient and they need to be at least 100% sure before they say "I do". How? I am no expert on relationship. But I have seen enough and read about the subject sufficiently to make some judgement call and give my two-cents worth. First, you need to know who is your ideal partner is. By this I mean, you need to have idea who you looking for ..... whether this person is kind, loving, understanding, tall, sporty and humorous, responsible. Someone with the right chemistry. Or you like someone who is handsome/beautiful and has a good job and earn and the other qualities like kindness, loving, understanding, tall, sporty and humorous, responsible are not important. You may be asking for trouble if the right qualities are missing. My take on this is that if you find someone is kind, loving, understanding humorous, patient, understanding and responsible and has the right chemistry, than other things like getting a good job and caring for the family will come along and you will be happy. And of course you will get the other perks in a good relationship.
Here are certain ingredients that are critical to a relationship:
1) Love- you must love your partner from the bottom of your heart and not just say it. You must give more than you receive and this must be reciprocated.
2) Trust- There must be trust in the relationship. Your partner must know that he or she can trust you.
3) Communication- Speak the language of LOVE. Say positive things and shower your love (without being over bearing). One person speaks and the other person listens. And communication means it is a two way street.
4) Chemistry- There must be chemistry in the relationship. When you are with this person, do feel special...are you on top of the world.
5) Humor- We all need to laugh. Who else better than your partner to cheer you up. You should be able to relax and be your goofy or funny self from time to time.
6) Patience and understanding is necessary. Relationships have its ups and downs. If your partner loses your job, do you leave them or do you stand by them and go through the challenging times together. If you say you will be some who will stand by your partner than fantastic. Your partner must count his/her blessings. Of course if you are with someone who wallows in self-pity and does not want to do anything, then you need to make a judgement call after careful consideration.
If you are "Happy" in a relationship (benchmark- 80-99% of the time) than you are in a good relationship. If not you have to focus your attention on improving the relationship. But remember, all the negative aspects can be avoided if you are able to choose the person who best matches your "personality" and your "needs" not your "wants".
Remember, relationships and marriages is like getting into the stock market. The stock market is like a roller coaster ride. It is expected. But if you do your "Homework" and stay the course then you will reap the rewards like Warren Buffet with not much downside. Likewise, for your relationship/marriage if you do your homework and your remain true to yourself, you will also be "Happy". Plus you will get dividends and you will have very little regrets in life as far as relationship/marriage is concerned.
Gong Xi Fa Cai! to all those who celebrate Chinese New Year! May 2010 be a Peaceful, Happy & Prosperous and Fun Filled year.
Cheers,
Mark
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